I Desired Everything Which Was Not Mine

I craved for everything I didn’t have
For a life which someone else lived,
For a job which someone else had
I craved for the life which was not mine.

I yearned for a beautiful relationship,
Which was different from mine.
I longed for a gorgeous home, the one from the magazines,
Which was way prettier than mine.

I wanted to have a fulfilling life,
A life someone else was living.
A life which looks like an ideal life.
I wanted to live in a city,
A city which looked stunning in the pictures.
A city so glamorous that could turn the eyes blind.

I desired everything
Which was not mine.

And in the process,
I lost appreciation for everything
Which was completely, wholly mine.

A life, designed with so much love and dedication
By me,
For me.

I stopped valuing the caring people around me
The people who loved me for who I am
The people who believe in me
The people who inspire me to move forward, every day.

In process of getting an ideal life
I started destroying my present-perfect life.
Questioning everything which was working for me
Questioning everyone who was mine.

The perfect relationships,
best friendships,
a loving family,
An ideal life, for someone else.
The one I am living.
The one someone else wants.

I know, I should stop before I mess everything up.
But accepting what I have
Is not easy
Loving what I have
Is even more difficult.

I’m trying,
Just like everyone.
I’m accepting what I have,
Just like everyone.
I’m living,
Just like everyone.

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

Photo by Felix Russell-Saw

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If You Have Lost A Loved One

Hie,
Can’t decide today’s mood.
I am happy and sad at the same time.

Anyway, today is my best friend’s birthday, she decided to move to heaven in 2011. Leaving me alone, here. She would have been a beautiful woman, inside out. If you are reading this, please include her in your today’s prayers and wish her happy birthday.

Here is a post for everyone, who has lost a loved one.

You will be living a perfect life,
Then all of sudden, you want them to be there with you.
Share your moments with them.

So, one moment you are ecstatic,
And next moment you can barely breathe!
You feel like your airway is getting blocked,
Your heart is burning,
You feel everything in your body closing up.

No matter how long it has been,
The pain stays fresh,
Playing hide and seek with your heart.
Sometimes it’s there, but hidden,
Sometimes it comes to you with full force!

You try to focus on the breathing,
because that’s what you are supposed to do
But, while focusing on the breathing,
you are still thinking about them.
Making everything even more difficult
than it earlier was.

Then you just stop.
Stop focusing on your breathing,
Stop thinking about them,
Like a plug pulled out of the socket.
You just stop!
And wait for the moment to pass away,
Wait for your heart to beat normally,
Wait for yourself to feel alive, again.

And when everything comes under control,
You continue with your daily tasks.
Till you encounter another such moment,
Or another one of your special days.
Or any random day when your mind wants to play tricks.

You go through the pictures,
Laugh a little,
Shed a tear or more.
Read their letters
Or just roll up in a blanket.

You take a timeout
And that’s a good thing

Sometimes you just need their hugs
Or their assurances
So you look up to the sky
Hoping they could see you
Give you some sort of sign.

You make yourself believe
that the twinkling star is them.
You do whatever you could to make it better.

To make yourself feel better.
Because that will make them feel better.
And you don’t want them to be sad just because you are,
You want to stay strong for them,
Because they are alone, up there.
Completely on their own
And you want the best for them.

So you look at the twinkling star, again
whisper I love you,
blow a kiss,
wipe your tears
and continue living your life
as if nothing is bothering you.
As if nothing is missing
As if there is no void
As if they are here
Almost!


 

So, all my people out there, you are not alone, we are not alone.
Stay strong!
xo

If you want to read more about her, here is the link.

Also, those of you who ask me to tell you more about her, I am trying. Just be patient with me, every time I sit down thinking today I will talk about her, I just can’t. So that’s what it is.
She was a wonderful person, the cool person you wanna hang out with type. Someday, I will tell you more about her.

Till then, bie!

 

Treat My Heart Like It’s Brand New

Treat my heart like it’s new,
But from a vintage store near you.

A heart which has its own cuts and tears
But has its own charm, too.

A heart which once belonged to someone,
But now beats with the rhythm of you.

A heart which once fell apart
But gathered itself to be as good as new!
For someone, who is different.
For someone, who is you!

Thank you for reading.
-A

Photo by Jeremy Wong

Every Elder Sister In The World

She, who fought with the older boys when they were bothering you,
and she could not bear tears in your eyes.

She, who held your hand when you first walked into the school,
and promised that everything is going to be perfect.

She, who listens to you talking about bikes and dogs,
even though she is not interested.

She, who shares her music collection with you,
so you can act cool in front of your friends.

She, who helps you with the assignments,
because she can’t resist your puppy face.

She, who reads a lot of motivational pieces when you are feeling low,
only to help you get out of your sad mood.

She, who sits with you to watch your kind of TV series,
even though it’s not her taste.

She, who clicks tons of pictures of you,
for your perfect Instagram.

She, who sings a lot of stupid songs, loud
just to annoy you.

She, who covers up for you,
and help you get past those curfews.

She, who loves you the most,
treats you like a baby,
because she still remembers
how your tiny fingers curled around her finger
and she promised to give you the world.

She, who is your elder sister,
and always wants the best for you.

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

Photo by Jenn Evelyn-Ann

The Dilemma Called Love

I’m in love with two people at once,
one I thought you would be,
one I hope you will be.
But not who you
are now!
-A

Photo by Felix Russell-Saw

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Flowers You Bring

I love the flowers but not the store-bought ones,
I love the flowers which you plucked from the garden thinking about me.

I love the flowers which made you stop your way to an important meeting,
The ones which made my face pop into your brain.
I love the flowers which have a subtle yet strong fragrance to hold your attention in this huge world.

I love the flowers which resemble the garden we went to on our first picnic date.
When we sat on a blanket and ate sandwiches.
I love the flowers which keep reminding me of the wonderful time we spent on our date
The time which I look forward to the most.
The most cherished moments.

I love the flowers which you bring for me, every day.
The flowers which make me smile, every day.
The flowers which make me love you more, every day.

.

The Colour Which Reminds Me Of You

Orange,

The colour of the sky when you held my hand for the first time.
The colour of your t-shirt when you confessed your love to me.
The colour of that old man’s shirt who told us how beautiful young love is.
The same old man who said he see us growing old together.

The colour of my sweater when I realised how much I am in love with you.
The colour of the curtains we fought over for a really long time and then settled to teal blue.
The colour of the ice-cream you brought me when I was really mad at you.

The colour of your socks when you said you are not sure if we are fine.
The colour of the sweatshirt I bought you as a present on our first Christmas.

The colour of your shirt which she was wearing.
The same t-shirt you wore when you told me you love me.
The same t-shirt you wore when you promised to be mine.
The same t-shirt she was wearing when I thought of surprising you, by bringing your favourite donuts.

The colour of the sky when my heart shattered into infinite pieces.
The colour which gave me a lot of panic attacks for a really long time.
The colour which haunted me till I couldn’t run away.
The colour which reminds me of you.
And your hollow promises.

Wrapping Everyday Inspiration Challenge

Hello, hello, hello!!

I just completed my 20 days Everyday Inspiration Challenge and I am ecstatic with the development I have made so far.

I have gotten a lot more traffic, found so many wonderful bloggers and most importantly I was able to overcome the mighty demon who is commonly known as “word block”

I also did a very wonderful thing of posting every day, I am hopeful to continue the same even after the challenge is over. And can I just say, I underestimated how interesting WordPress Blogging University’s e-courses could be!

I’m definitely going to try some other courses, soon.

Ending the post with a little piece that I think you guys will like.


Alluringly captivating eyes,
Seeing my soul through all the layers of lies.
Asking is it really what you want?
I lie, blink an eye
And all I hear is a gotcha!
Does it really matter?
If not then why did I stutter?
What are you hiding and who are you hiding from?
Is it you or your people back home?
Roll of eyes and a careless shrug!
But all you are waiting for is a meaningful, supportive hug.
Don’t worry, don’t fret about how things could be.
Have faith, strike a smile, you’ve got a friend in me!


Everyday Inspiration: Day 20
“Wrap it up”
Issa wrap guys!

Favourite Blog Posts Of October

Some of the best pieces I have read this month:

I highly recommend you guys to give them a read!

 

Everyday Inspiration: Day 19
“Feature a guest”

 

The Plant That You Gave Me

Still watering the plant that you gave me!

But, not anymore. I have to get rid of everything that reminds me of you.

As I lift the Azalea Bonsai from the window sill, tons of memories hit me at once. I remember how excited I was when you asked me to close my eyes for a surprise on our second anniversary, I was almost jumping like an excited bunny with my hands covering my eyes. The memory of your melodious laughter is still very crisp in my mind. I remember the goosebumps that followed my smile when you explained what the plant means to our us, our relationship.

But since you are gone, the plant has lost its meaning, too!

I gave the plant to Mrs. Singh, next door.

Her face lit up with pure joy and then changed to something similar to reminiscing. She remembered how her mother gave a similar Azalea Bonsai to her on her wedding. She almost relived the moment when her mother asked her to be true to herself, no matter what. Her eyes became glossy remembering how that plant became a member of her new family and her companion who shared the same thoughts of adjusting to new surroundings and a new family where everyone welcomed them with their arms open. She also had a fond memory of her late husband watering the little plant regularly even if he was running late to work.

Mrs. Singh could not believe how a little plant can bring back so many beautiful memories.

She placed the plant on her table when her niece Ria entered the home, she is moving to university soon.

The gorgeous plant was the show stealer.

Ria could not keep her eyes off the plant.

“Aunt, may I please take this cute plant to Uni with me?” That little request decided the path of Azalea Bonsai and what happens next is yet to be known.

As of now, it is 5000 km away from its original place, the only thing which is same, is the happiness it is causing to the owner.

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

Everyday Inspiration: Day 18
“Compose a Series of Anecdotes”