On our date night, she was with us.
On our weekend getaway, she was with us.
On our long distance calls, she was with us on a call waiting.
On our star gazing night, she was with us.
During every touch, every kiss, every word you spoke to me, she was with us.
Sometimes related to work,
Sometimes as an investor,
Sometimes an old school friend,
Sometimes a wrong number,
Sometimes you ran out of lies and asked me not to stress about it.
You wanted me to believe in all your lies,
And the worst part is, I DID. For a very long time.
Now, sitting on the edge of a bed which used to be ours, my mind cannot help and go back to the painful memory where you had your arms around her waist and she leaned into you. The moment when my world crashed into billion pieces. I was there when you kissed her, I was there when you whispered something into her ear and she giggled, I was there when you had a look of pure adoration on your face which she mirrored. Yet, you turned around and told me it was not what it looks like!!
The bedroom which used to be my safe haven is suffocating me right now. You are asking me to say something, the voice which used to soothe me in my darkest days is now slicing my battered heart. I have a million thoughts running through my mind.
I want to ask;
Was I not good enough?
What we had was not enough?
Did you ever feel something remotely close to what I felt?
Did you ever love me?
I want to ask;
Does she love you like I loved you?
Does she listen to your rants about how pathetic the cafeteria food is, for hours?
Does she let you have the last bite of her food?
Does she believe you when you say I love you to her?
I want to ask a lot more!
But all I could manage is, “You need to leave right now. We are done.”
You accuse me of being stupid for overreacting.
Yes, I was stupid for not reading the signs.
Yes, I was stupid for thinking that I am not good enough.
Yes, I was stupid for trusting you over my conscious.
Yes, I was stupid for loving and believing in you.
I was scared of my biggest fear turning into reality, I was scared of losing the beautiful bond we had. Now my conscious is scowling at me, shouting, “I told you so.”
I am giving you, what you gave to me: A Betrayal. I am betraying you to be with my conscious, my sane mind, my most beautiful bond.
Phewwww!!! Too heavy for my liking but I just had to get it off my chest. I wanted to talk about it to somebody and you guys do a wonderful job, seriously. I had my heart in mouth, all the time. Might have stifled a sob or two. I did not want to start the new year on this note but some things cannot really wait.Also, this is my point of view and it is not meant to offend anyone. All relationships are different if you think you can work things out, it’s completely fine!! Totally your call.
Thank you for reading.
I promise to post something positive soon!