The Pictures On My Bedroom Wall

Sometimes I lie in my bed,
Looking at all the pictures on my bedroom wall.
Reminiscent of all the happy moments that I captured.

It’s funny how human brain works!
One moment it’s absolutely absorbed in the happy memories.
And the next moment it makes everything complicated.
Making you question everything!

Like,

When was the last time I was really happy?
When was the last time I actually smiled?
When was the last time I was at ease with myself?

The smile due to that happy memory is long gone,
And here I am left with the dumb comparison of my moments.
Then I convince myself that it’s normal.

It’s normal that I am lying here on a summer night without turning my fan or air conditioner on.
It’s normal that I don’t feel hot even with the amount of sweat on my body says otherwise.
I run to the mirror, trying to imitate a smile similar to the one in the pictures.

Sometimes I get real close to achieving that smile,
But my eyes crinkle in a different manner.
They fail to comply with me.
Making me aware of how phony it sounds to copy your own smile.

I just stand there staring into my own eyes,
Asking the questions I don’t know the answers to!

Like,

What went wrong?
Was it supposed to go this way?

But then I stop,

Remembering the pieces of advice from the multiple articles I read.
The do’s and don’ts of how to treat yourself.
Deep breaths and a glass of cool water, they say.
Sipping down the last gulp,

I sit on my bed.
And then I see the pictures on my bedroom wall, again.

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

The things I have been feeling lately, which take up most of my head space, everyday. I know, I have been away for a really long time but if we are being honest here, all I can say is I am trying. It’s rhetoric, but it is the only thing that I am really doing.
How are you guys doing?

Photo by Alexander Possingham on Unsplash

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7 thoughts on “The Pictures On My Bedroom Wall

  1. JM

    Firstly very well written. It explains a mixture of all the emotions that we all go through in some point in our life. Keep it up ! Really missed your blogs. Hoping to read more. LU2 😛
    The smile of that happy memory is gone and so its time for us to create new memories 💝

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I smiled when I saw your post pop up in my email. Been wondering what happened to you and was hoping all was well.
    Sorry that you are having a hard time right now. Keep trying, that is all that is needed and remember to love yourself! You will get through this. There is a quote I have always liked when facing hard times. “It is OK if all you did today was breathe!”
    My thoughts and prayers are with you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. It’s like so much is going on at once and that’s insane! You won’t believe but the string lights in my bedroom are actually spelled as breathe, because of the exact same quote. Thank you for your beautiful “You will get through this” 🙂

      Like

      1. You are so welcome! I know the feeling of being overwhelmed and thinking that you don’t have room for one more thing!
        Oh you gave me goosebumps about your lights spelling breathe!
        Keeping breathing, one breath at a time! And keep writing! I know writing really helps me when I am stressed.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Author Interview – Kait Moon – “Pain Eater: A Memoir” (Poetry & Prose) | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

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