“How is everything?”
“Everything is fine.”
I lie through my teeth and pull a smile.
You just nod and carry on
Just like everyone I have ever known.
They say talking about it helps,
as if I don’t know!
They say it should be easy,
hitting a low blow!
Some pretend, some try,
but actually, it’s just a far cry.
I know I have built these walls around me, I know these walls are hard to penetrate. I am trying to protect myself, I am trying to do something good for me.
These walls calm me down
When I am tossing and turning at night,
When I am battling my demons,
When I am drowning in the black pool,
When I burn myself with cold sweat.
I hold these walls dear to me because they give me the assurance of limit. The assurance of not suffering more than what I am going through now. The assurance of not giving anyone else the authority to hurt me when I am already hurting so much.
This is all I know.
This is what I do.
The helplessness in your eyes haunts me every day,
Your concerned gazes when you think I am not looking,
Your “How is everything?” every day,
I notice everything.
But I don’t want to draw you into the same dark sea.
Because I know firsthand, how ugly it can get.
Because I care about.
Because I love you.
Thank you for reading.
-A
3 replies on ““Everything Is Fine””
[…] God’s Story 9. Panic Attack – AJ Hunter 10. Notes to Women – A Model Moment 11. “Everything Is Fine” – Specscladeyes 12. Le Drake Noir – Handful of prompts 13. Mokoro Cruising – Flying Solo 14. The Daily Post […]
LikeLike
[…] when I practice this exercise: If You Have Lost A Loved One After All These Years, Why Now? “Everything Is Fine” The Pictures On My Bedroom […]
LikeLike
[…] of experiments this year, be it the Everyday Inspiration Challenge or my first ever blogmas. Be it baring my soul to you or talking about my mental health. The only thing which remained constant is your immense […]
LikeLike