I Desired Everything Which Was Not Mine

I craved for everything I didn’t have
For a life which someone else lived,
For a job which someone else had
I craved for the life which was not mine.

I yearned for a beautiful relationship,
Which was different from mine.
I longed for a gorgeous home, the one from the magazines,
Which was way prettier than mine.

I wanted to have a fulfilling life,
A life someone else was living.
A life which looks like an ideal life.
I wanted to live in a city,
A city which looked stunning in the pictures.
A city so glamorous that could turn the eyes blind.

I desired everything
Which was not mine.

And in the process,
I lost appreciation for everything
Which was completely, wholly mine.

A life, designed with so much love and dedication
By me,
For me.

I stopped valuing the caring people around me
The people who loved me for who I am
The people who believe in me
The people who inspire me to move forward, every day.

In process of getting an ideal life
I started destroying my present-perfect life.
Questioning everything which was working for me
Questioning everyone who was mine.

The perfect relationships,
best friendships,
a loving family,
An ideal life, for someone else.
The one I am living.
The one someone else wants.

I know, I should stop before I mess everything up.
But accepting what I have
Is not easy
Loving what I have
Is even more difficult.

I’m trying,
Just like everyone.
I’m accepting what I have,
Just like everyone.
I’m living,
Just like everyone.

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

Photo by Felix Russell-Saw

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