“Everything Is Fine”

“How is everything?”
“Everything is fine.”

I lie through my teeth and pull a smile.

You just nod and carry on
Just like everyone I have ever known.

They say talking about it helps,
as if I don’t know!
They say it should be easy,
hitting a low blow!

Some pretend, some try,
but actually, it’s just a far cry.

I know I have built these walls around me, I know these walls are hard to penetrate. I am trying to protect myself, I am trying to do something good for me.

These walls calm me down

When I am tossing and turning at night,
When I am battling my demons,
When I am drowning in the black pool,
When I burn myself with cold sweat.

I hold these walls dear to me because they give me the assurance of limit. The assurance of not suffering more than what I am going through now. The assurance of not giving anyone else the authority to hurt me when I am already hurting so much.

This is all I know.
This is what I do.

The helplessness in your eyes haunts me every day,
Your concerned gazes when you think I am not looking,
Your “How is everything?” every day,
I notice everything.

But I don’t want to draw you into the same dark sea.
Because I know firsthand, how ugly it can get.

Because I care about.
Because I love you.

Thank you for reading.
-A

The Pictures On My Bedroom Wall

Sometimes I lie in my bed,
Looking at all the pictures on my bedroom wall.
Reminiscent of all the happy moments that I captured.

It’s funny how human brain works!
One moment it’s absolutely absorbed in the happy memories.
And the next moment it makes everything complicated.
Making you question everything!

Like,

When was the last time I was really happy?
When was the last time I actually smiled?
When was the last time I was at ease with myself?

The smile due to that happy memory is long gone,
And here I am left with the dumb comparison of my moments.
Then I convince myself that it’s normal.

It’s normal that I am lying here on a summer night without turning my fan or air conditioner on.
It’s normal that I don’t feel hot even with the amount of sweat on my body says otherwise.
I run to the mirror, trying to imitate a smile similar to the one in the pictures.

Sometimes I get real close to achieving that smile,
But my eyes crinkle in a different manner.
They fail to comply with me.
Making me aware of how phony it sounds to copy your own smile.

I just stand there staring into my own eyes,
Asking the questions I don’t know the answers to!

Like,

What went wrong?
Was it supposed to go this way?

But then I stop,

Remembering the pieces of advice from the multiple articles I read.
The do’s and don’ts of how to treat yourself.
Deep breaths and a glass of cool water, they say.
Sipping down the last gulp,

I sit on my bed.
And then I see the pictures on my bedroom wall, again.

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

The things I have been feeling lately, which take up most of my head space, everyday. I know, I have been away for a really long time but if we are being honest here, all I can say is I am trying. It’s rhetoric, but it is the only thing that I am really doing.
How are you guys doing?

Photo by Alexander Possingham on Unsplash

90 Happy-Positive Days Challenge

I read somewhere that if you want your brain to adapt to a pattern, all you have to do is keep repeating it till your brain accepts it as a habit. Today I want to share one such experience with you guys.

On 8th November 2016, I started a  90 happy-positive days challenge. The only condition for this challenge was to stay happy and positive for ninety consecutive days. After having plenty of negative days, I decided enough was enough! I strategically planned the challenge so that the 91st day was the day I turned 22.

his-challenge-was-really-interesting-and-fun-to-do-i-have-grown-up-a-lot-as-a-person-and-i-am-really-proud-of-myself-that-i-took-up-this-challenge-also-you-guys-have-been-extremely-supportive-and-he

The duration of my challenge was 8th November 2016 – 5th February 2017.
I turned 22 on 6th of February, this year.

Duration : 90 Days
Platform : Instagram

I chose Instagram as a platform because it is the only platform which I use everyday.

The rules were simple:
1) Read and write a positive or happy affirmation everyday.
2) Post a picture of what made you happy today.

Initially, it was very difficult because staying happy all the time is not easy. But as the time passed, I started believing in myself. I started looking for silver linings in every situation. By the time it was the New Year, I was happier than ever!

My entire journey was documented on Instagram and the support I got from everyone was super heart-warming.

This challenge was really interesting and fun to do. I have grown up a lot as a person and I am really proud of myself that I took up this challenge.Also, everyone was extremely supportive and helpful, asking me not to give up whenever I was struggling. Every positive affirmation changed my perspective a little more every day.

This challenge turned me into a better person and I urge you guys to give it a shot. I will post the list of affirmations, they really set the tempo.

P.S. If there are more such challenges which you have personally tried, please let me know. I want to do everything which helps me to grow.

 

The Annual Gratitude Journal

The last week of an ending year is meant for summing up the experience of the entire year. In my previous post, I talked about what all things this year has taught me. In a nutshell, 2016 was a crazy year with a lot of unexpected events. But every crazy situation has a silver lining. So, today I will talk about all the things that I am grateful for this year.

2016-gratitude-journal

I am grateful for the love I have received this year.

I am grateful for all the positive people I met this year.

I am thankful for letting go the toxic relationships.

I am thankful for starting to love my body the way it is.

I am grateful for learning the importance of being healthy.

I am happy that I started appreciating the beauty in all the things.

I am ecstatic that I started my 90 happy-positive days challenge, which I’ll be talking about after it gets completed.

I am grateful for the loving and beautiful parents I have.

I am thankful for a supportive and understanding sibling I have.

I am thankful for all the friends I have in my life.

I am grateful for all the soul-searching conversations I had with my bestfriends.

I am thankful for getting to know two of the most amazing souls on this planet.
Yvonne: The most understanding and wise.
Deepal: She is such a babe, she just gets me. To be honest, I had no idea how cool she was, till I actually talked to her.

I am grateful for still being in contact with my school friends.

I am amazed that more than 2700 people have checked my blog this year.

I am grateful for the 1400 wonderful souls who connected with me on Instagram.

I am grateful for the amazing trip I took with my cousins.

I am grateful for a good academic year.

I am thankful for not holding grudge till eternity *earlier, I used to*

I am grateful for my good health.

I am thankful for standing up for myself.

Thank you for reading.
XOXO

What are you grateful for?

5 Things I Wish I knew Before Starting 2016

Since the year 2016 is almost over, I think it is the perfect time for me to point out a couple of things which I wish, I knew before starting 2o16.

lessons-from-2016

People are going to judge you

Irrespective of what you do and what you do not, people are going to have a say in it. They will crawl into your head and force their thoughts. At the end, how you handle the situation matters the most.

Internet is a stupid place

If you shared a cute picture or a deep thought evoking quote, there will be a certain someone sitting on the other end, taking a dig at you. They suffer from self-esteem issues and you should not let their mental conditions bother you.

You cannot make everyone happy

This is the most important lesson I learnt this year. The only person whose happiness should matter to you is YOU. Even if you try to be good to everyone, something is bound to go wrong with someone, making them unhappy in the process. So, live your moments and ONLY works towards making them count.

People will not be in your life forever

No matter how loving a person is, no matter how good your bonding is, there will be a time when differences will occur. Some differences are too big to repair and peace of mind is too important than a broken relationship. Sometimes you have to let go a person you love for the sake of both of you.

Body image is not everything

I have spoken a lot about being beautiful from inside. Outer beauty or physical appearance is not going to do any good if you are toxic from inside. I have met a good bunch of toxic people, so no matter how much makeup they apply or how amazingly they dress up, they are beautiful. Flaws should be appreciated, worn as a medal. Nobody cares how good you look, which brand clothes you wear, are you skinny or fat, as long as you are a good person. Being beautiful inside-out matters the most.

These are the major points I am going to keep in mind during the coming year. Is there anything that I have missed?

Can You Calm This Chaotic World?

can-you-calm-this-chaotic-world-some-tough-choices-some-brutal-reality-1

All of us are a part of one huge chaos where everyone is doing something or the other, but basically everyone is TRYING TO MAKE SENSE. We have no clue about what we are doing, but we are the best at telling others what to do!

We suck at making life choices but we are audacious enough to question about others choices. We think we are those “know-it-all” type, but that is one of the many misconceptions we have about us.We think about managing the chaos but end up contributing more to it.

All of us want to reach to the top but, what is reaching the top like? Will it be as glorious as you have imagined? Will it quench your thirst for success? Will it give you a peace of mind? Will it separate you from this chaotic world?

chaos_specscladeyes

Fine, you have reached the top, then what? Who will you celebrate your achievements with if you have pushed everyone away in the process of reaching to the top? No, I am not saying that achieving what you dream is a bad thing! Obviously, NOT! But what matters more is the people you take along with you on your journey. Be competitive but don’t kill someone’s spirit in the process.

The only trick to try to sort this chaos is doing it together. We can only grow if everyone is growing up at the similar pace. The chaos can only be managed if we stick to each other and move forward TOGETHER!

So, what are you doing, adding up to the chaos or sorting it? Do you want to retreat and make a fresh move? The choice is yours!

Thank you for reading 🙂

P.S. One year blog anniversary tomorrow!!

Few Steps Closer

Each path, a beauty of its own.
Each destination, a journey on its own.
There are plenty of roads that are not taken and there are plenty, which are often taken . You walk the one you need.

Yes, we have choices, millions of them. We choose one and move forward on that path. We may succeed, we may lose!
Who cares!
We have million such roads, remember!? The road we took earlier might not be the one for us, but how can we tell if we never give it a shot.
We cannot succeed without failing. Nobody reaches the top without having their share of failures.

That is the beauty of life, it always gives you another chance! Life is not harsh, you should not be, either. Go easy on yourself and if you tumble down, just gather yourself up, dust your clothes and continue moving.

Never give up! Just keep moving and collecting memories.

So, if you think things are not going well, trust me, you are few steps closer to the success.

Cheers to being a few steps closer.

When The Outer Layers Fell Off

We all are covered with many layers which effectively hides our true self from everyone, including us. We get so lost in the layers that we forget who we actually are!

All these outer layers are our little ways to fit into the society’s definition of good or perfect. But, what we fail to see is that true perfection lies in being yourself, unapologetically. Yes, everybody has their own fears, some acknowledge them and some do not. Most of us stay in the state of denial, thus, use these layers to cover up our own inhibitions. 

But inside our mind, even we are aware that this make believe world which we have built around us is not going to stay with us forever. We push the reality away as long as we can. We try harder and harder  to be someone who we are not.

Sometimes we push the limits so hard that everything breaks off. The wonderful image we had created in our mind starts haunting us. The oh-so-beautiful life starts falling apart. All the outer layers begin to peel off and you cannot decide whether to be happy or sad.

Sooner or later, everyone who has built outer layers around themselves will undergo these moments of self realization. The moment which will change your perspective about who you are. The moment when the outer layers start shedding. The moment when the pretense starts fading.

When all the pretense fades away and you start learning to embrace your true self. Some might call it a phase, but you just know what it is. You know this phase is the only constant you have right now. The phase which will make you love yourself like never before. A kind of love where you accept yourself the way you are and celebrate who you are. The best kind of love is the one which never asks you to change, the love which forces you to fall in love with yourself, all over again!

P.S. This might be a first hand observation *wink* I have been learning a few things about myself, lately. I don’t really know where this is going, maybe something positive *let’s hope*

The Inner Superhero

We spend most of our lives in looking for a superhero. A person who can save us from all our miseries, who can give comfort when we need. Since childhood, we fantasize about the concept of finding a superhero and relying on that unbeaten, superior force.

We keep searching for our superheroes and hoping for the miracles to happen. Every possible and unlikely place is searched thoroughly with a hope of meeting the superstar : our SUPERHERO. Yet, no avail! Life is tough.

We search everywhere except the place where our superhero resides.
How can you find someone who was never lost!?
How can you ever find your superhero in a far away place if he lives within you!?

All of us have a superhero hidden inside us, who is waiting for the right moment to make the grandest possible entry.

It is a well-known fact that the only person who can help you in solving your issues is YOU. And the dictionary meaning of superhero is a person who has exceptional superpowers to save anyone who is going through hardships.

Who can understand your problems better than you?
Who can understand the severity of your hardships better than you?
Nobody. Only YOU.
You just have to trust your inner self to tackle the tough situations.

You have to lose your inhibitions and your fears to gain your inner superhero. You have to continuously add fuel to the fire within you.All of us have a fireball within us, a powerful energy which makes our hearts sing.
If the fire dies, you die!
Your soul dies!

A superhero can never lose and you cannot, either. Obviously, you will fall and fail multiple times, but do not worry! It’s all a part of your superhero training. Tougher the training, stronger the superhero!

Go, search for the superhero within you.

A superhero is incomplete without the costume your superhero will be, too.

So, here is the costume for your superhero, prepare yourself to conquer the world.

______________________________________________________________
Costume Details:

ITEM                                       FABRIC
Suit                                          Positivity
Cape                                        Determination
Mask                                       Perseverance
Gloves                                     Hope
Boots                                      Will Power
______________________________________________________________

Also, don’t forget, ” Self belief is your mojo.”

All the best to everyone, after all, you will be meeting your own superheroes. Let us all unleash our inner superheroes and make this earth a powerful place to live in!
Superhero
 

The Melody Of Life

The melody of life_specscladeyes

Every scar is a medal on its own.
Every wound is a trophy on its own.
To celebrate the journey we have been through.
To salute the growth which followed.

Yes, I am more beautiful than ever!
Yes, I am stronger than ever!
I remember every step I took.
I remember all the hardships which accompanied.

I gained the things I never dreamt of.
I lost some I never wanted to let go.
You cannot see the journey I had.
You cannot feel the emotions which I felt.

For every traveler, a journey of his own.
For everyone, a discovery of his own.

 

Melody