If You Have Lost A Loved One

Hie,
Can’t decide today’s mood.
I am happy and sad at the same time.

Anyway, today is my best friend’s birthday, she decided to move to heaven in 2011. Leaving me alone, here. She would have been a beautiful woman, inside out. If you are reading this, please include her in your today’s prayers and wish her happy birthday.

Here is a post for everyone, who has lost a loved one.

You will be living a perfect life,
Then all of sudden, you want them to be there with you.
Share your moments with them.

So, one moment you are ecstatic,
And next moment you can barely breathe!
You feel like your airway is getting blocked,
Your heart is burning,
You feel everything in your body closing up.

No matter how long it has been,
The pain stays fresh,
Playing hide and seek with your heart.
Sometimes it’s there, but hidden,
Sometimes it comes to you with full force!

You try to focus on the breathing,
because that’s what you are supposed to do
But, while focusing on the breathing,
you are still thinking about them.
Making everything even more difficult
than it earlier was.

Then you just stop.
Stop focusing on your breathing,
Stop thinking about them,
Like a plug pulled out of the socket.
You just stop!
And wait for the moment to pass away,
Wait for your heart to beat normally,
Wait for yourself to feel alive, again.

And when everything comes under control,
You continue with your daily tasks.
Till you encounter another such moment,
Or another one of your special days.
Or any random day when your mind wants to play tricks.

You go through the pictures,
Laugh a little,
Shed a tear or more.
Read their letters
Or just roll up in a blanket.

You take a timeout
And that’s a good thing

Sometimes you just need their hugs
Or their assurances
So you look up to the sky
Hoping they could see you
Give you some sort of sign.

You make yourself believe
that the twinkling star is them.
You do whatever you could to make it better.

To make yourself feel better.
Because that will make them feel better.
And you don’t want them to be sad just because you are,
You want to stay strong for them,
Because they are alone, up there.
Completely on their own
And you want the best for them.

So you look at the twinkling star, again
whisper I love you,
blow a kiss,
wipe your tears
and continue living your life
as if nothing is bothering you.
As if nothing is missing
As if there is no void
As if they are here
Almost!


 

So, all my people out there, you are not alone, we are not alone.
Stay strong!
xo

If you want to read more about her, here is the link.

Also, those of you who ask me to tell you more about her, I am trying. Just be patient with me, every time I sit down thinking today I will talk about her, I just can’t. So that’s what it is.
She was a wonderful person, the cool person you wanna hang out with type. Someday, I will tell you more about her.

Till then, bie!

 

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Every Elder Sister In The World

She, who fought with the older boys when they were bothering you,
and she could not bear tears in your eyes.

She, who held your hand when you first walked into the school,
and promised that everything is going to be perfect.

She, who listens to you talking about bikes and dogs,
even though she is not interested.

She, who shares her music collection with you,
so you can act cool in front of your friends.

She, who helps you with the assignments,
because she can’t resist your puppy face.

She, who reads a lot of motivational pieces when you are feeling low,
only to help you get out of your sad mood.

She, who sits with you to watch your kind of TV series,
even though it’s not her taste.

She, who clicks tons of pictures of you,
for your perfect Instagram.

She, who sings a lot of stupid songs, loud
just to annoy you.

She, who covers up for you,
and help you get past those curfews.

She, who loves you the most,
treats you like a baby,
because she still remembers
how your tiny fingers curled around her finger
and she promised to give you the world.

She, who is your elder sister,
and always wants the best for you.

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

Photo by Jenn Evelyn-Ann

From Game To The Bucket List

When I was a kid, I had an educational fun game, in which two discs were pinned, overlapping each other. The First disc had a lot of cutouts and the second one had a lot of tiny words on it.  It was an informative disc sort of game which gave information about different countries of the world, so you have to spin the upper disc and the cutouts or the slits will show you the information about that country.

The disc will provide all kinds of information like the country’s capital, area, population, rivers, main crops, minerals found, major languages etc. I remember how I would spin the disc, read about a country and then locate it on the globe I had.

I used to carry the globe to my different uncles, cousins, grandparents and almost any elder member of the family *I lived in a joint family then*  and tell them everything I had learned. I would point to a country on the globe and tell them everything about it.

Then I gave my little game a twist and started using the globe as my starting point. I would give the globe a little spin, close my eyes and place my finger on it. I used to think of myself as some important voyager who travels across the world and then tells the stories of her explorations to her family.

And by the end of the game, I would write a few countries in my notebook. I used to call it my list of favourite countries, that later graduated to my bucket list. I often asked my cousins to play the game and then gave them a long lecture if they chose without thinking.

If I see a globe now, I still cannot resist the urge to give it a little spin.

 

I still don’t understand how everyone in my family had the patience to listen to my ramblings about different countries, every day. But I do remember the way I explained them everything as if I actually travelled to that country. Cheers to the simpler times!

Everyday Inspiration: Day 17
“A Map As Your Muse”

 

Why Do I Write?

I write because it calms my mind,
From all the drama that happens in the life of any normal 22 years old woman.

I write because it helps me in getting the clear picture,
Of what I am going through at the moment?
And of what all I could possibly do it to make it better?

I write because it prevents me from being overwhelmed,
From most of the things,
Everything happening at once in a greater amplitude.

I write because I love to write.
It is one of the most relaxing hobbies that I have.

I write because it is the only time when I am the truest to myself.
With no barrier in between my pen, paper and I,
It feels like the most intimate conversation I could ever have!
Especially with all the changes that have been happening in my life.

I write because it allows me to take a break from the rush of life.
A life of social media,
A life of speedy moments,
Where everything is so fast-paced that it often leaves me panting,
Gasping for air!

I write because it helps me in saving precious moments of life.
Writing every detail, second by second.
And revisiting those memories,
Reliving every nanosecond,
Again!

Thank you for reading.
-A

Everyday Inspiration: Day 1
“Why Do You Write”

 

A Work In Progress

Sometimes my head spins,
Making me dizzy and overwhelmed.

Sometimes I fall apart,
Making me question, why did I even start.

Sometimes I am unsure,
Making me doubt everything and everyone.

Sometimes I seek guidance,
Making me rise above all my pretense.

Sometimes I sit in the blazing fire,
Even though my heart has no such desire.

Sometimes I put on a facade,
Successfully pulling the “fake it till you make it” card.

But during all those times,
There are flickering moments of pride,
Making me realise,
I never gave up,
Never did I ever hide.

I’m just a work in progress!
I’m just in the process,
Of being the best there is.

But, till then,
I’m just a proud case of work in progress.

I am someone who never stopped moving,
I am someone who worked in spite of my head spinning.

Yes, I have come a long way,
But, I am still in a mid way,
Of being who I want to be.
Of achieving what I have always dreamt of.

I’ll keep pushing myself,
Getting better and better every day.

Because I am a proud case of work in progress!

 

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

“Everything Is Fine”

“How is everything?”
“Everything is fine.”

I lie through my teeth and pull a smile.

You just nod and carry on
Just like everyone I have ever known.

They say talking about it helps,
as if I don’t know!
They say it should be easy,
hitting a low blow!

Some pretend, some try,
but actually, it’s just a far cry.

I know I have built these walls around me, I know these walls are hard to penetrate. I am trying to protect myself, I am trying to do something good for me.

These walls calm me down

When I am tossing and turning at night,
When I am battling my demons,
When I am drowning in the black pool,
When I burn myself with cold sweat.

I hold these walls dear to me because they give me the assurance of limit. The assurance of not suffering more than what I am going through now. The assurance of not giving anyone else the authority to hurt me when I am already hurting so much.

This is all I know.
This is what I do.

The helplessness in your eyes haunts me every day,
Your concerned gazes when you think I am not looking,
Your “How is everything?” every day,
I notice everything.

But I don’t want to draw you into the same dark sea.
Because I know firsthand, how ugly it can get.

Because I care about.
Because I love you.

Thank you for reading.
-A

90 Happy-Positive Days Challenge

I read somewhere that if you want your brain to adapt to a pattern, all you have to do is keep repeating it till your brain accepts it as a habit. Today I want to share one such experience with you guys.

On 8th November 2016, I started a  90 happy-positive days challenge. The only condition for this challenge was to stay happy and positive for ninety consecutive days. After having plenty of negative days, I decided enough was enough! I strategically planned the challenge so that the 91st day was the day I turned 22.

his-challenge-was-really-interesting-and-fun-to-do-i-have-grown-up-a-lot-as-a-person-and-i-am-really-proud-of-myself-that-i-took-up-this-challenge-also-you-guys-have-been-extremely-supportive-and-he

The duration of my challenge was 8th November 2016 – 5th February 2017.
I turned 22 on 6th of February, this year.

Duration : 90 Days
Platform : Instagram

I chose Instagram as a platform because it is the only platform which I use everyday.

The rules were simple:
1) Read and write a positive or happy affirmation everyday.
2) Post a picture of what made you happy today.

Initially, it was very difficult because staying happy all the time is not easy. But as the time passed, I started believing in myself. I started looking for silver linings in every situation. By the time it was the New Year, I was happier than ever!

My entire journey was documented on Instagram and the support I got from everyone was super heart-warming.

This challenge was really interesting and fun to do. I have grown up a lot as a person and I am really proud of myself that I took up this challenge.Also, everyone was extremely supportive and helpful, asking me not to give up whenever I was struggling. Every positive affirmation changed my perspective a little more every day.

This challenge turned me into a better person and I urge you guys to give it a shot. I will post the list of affirmations, they really set the tempo.

P.S. If there are more such challenges which you have personally tried, please let me know. I want to do everything which helps me to grow.

 

The Annual Gratitude Journal

The last week of an ending year is meant for summing up the experience of the entire year. In my previous post, I talked about what all things this year has taught me. In a nutshell, 2016 was a crazy year with a lot of unexpected events. But every crazy situation has a silver lining. So, today I will talk about all the things that I am grateful for this year.

2016-gratitude-journal

I am grateful for the love I have received this year.

I am grateful for all the positive people I met this year.

I am thankful for letting go the toxic relationships.

I am thankful for starting to love my body the way it is.

I am grateful for learning the importance of being healthy.

I am happy that I started appreciating the beauty in all the things.

I am ecstatic that I started my 90 happy-positive days challenge, which I’ll be talking about after it gets completed.

I am grateful for the loving and beautiful parents I have.

I am thankful for a supportive and understanding sibling I have.

I am thankful for all the friends I have in my life.

I am grateful for all the soul-searching conversations I had with my bestfriends.

I am thankful for getting to know two of the most amazing souls on this planet.
Yvonne: The most understanding and wise.
Deepal: She is such a babe, she just gets me. To be honest, I had no idea how cool she was, till I actually talked to her.

I am grateful for still being in contact with my school friends.

I am amazed that more than 2700 people have checked my blog this year.

I am grateful for the 1400 wonderful souls who connected with me on Instagram.

I am grateful for the amazing trip I took with my cousins.

I am grateful for a good academic year.

I am thankful for not holding grudge till eternity *earlier, I used to*

I am grateful for my good health.

I am thankful for standing up for myself.

Thank you for reading.
XOXO

What are you grateful for?

One Year Blog Anniversary

Hello, everyone!!

Today is a very special day for Specscladeyes. Twelve months ago, I joined this wonderful platform to share my thoughts with everyone. That feeling when I pressed the publish button for the first time is beyond words. I still remember the rush of emotions when I got that first follower, it was an amazing feeling to know that somebody found my writeups relatable.

Today, when I got the congratulatory notification from WordPress, it brought back all the lovely memories of the twelve months that I have spent on this beautiful platform. Writing is a part of me and now specsclad.wordpress.com is an integral part of my life.

One year_specscladeyes

It is one of the most beautiful journeys, I have stepped on in my life and I am so grateful that it has helped me in turning who I am today.

Also, the journey is incomplete without the support, the community has shown me. It is unbelievable how loving and supportive everyone is. You can have a look at my beautiful WordPress family, here.

I can never thank you guys enough for supporting me in my WordPress journey so far and I am positive that you all will keep supporting me in future as well. Afterall, that is what family is for.

I will try to connect more with the amazing bloggers in the coming year. I am also thinking about setting up a blogging goal for the next year to make the most out of these 12 months.

My words cannot explain how your love has helped this blog to grow more than I could have ever imagined. Whenever I complained about something, whenever I just wanted to talk, whenever I made some big decisions in my life, whenever I was sad about something, you guys were always there for me.

So, once again Thank you for all your support!

I love you all so much.

Specscladeyes
xoxo

 

 

Merry Christmas To The Wonderful Family

This post is in accordance with IST which is +5:30 GMT so the Christmas greetings might be a bit delayed for a few of you.

Since Christmas is all about love and giving, I just want to say thank you to all of you wonderful humans, who supported me wholeheartedly in my journey. Blogging is monotonous without the connections you make, it is unimaginable to continue without the support from all the fellow bloggers.

So, thank you guys for always being there and helping me grow.

I have a beautiful bloggers family of 200 wonderful people and today I want to personally thank all of you if I haven’t done it yet.

Here is to all the gorgeous souls on this blogging world. The list is in the order of the oldest to the newest member of the family 🙂

I hate the fact that I cannot tag my email subscribers, you guys are really, very sweet.

To the new person reading my blog: Hie, welcome and Merry Christmas. Please check these beautiful people, too.

My greetings are delayed due to my faulty internet connection *trust me I hit the publish option a million times* but I love you all, with all my heart. Thank you for being who you are.

Cheers to the beautiful family!!

Love,
Specscladeyes

P.S. My first blog anniversary is in 2 days!! I am ecstatic!!