“Everything Is Fine”

“How is everything?”
“Everything is fine.”

I lie through my teeth and pull a smile.

You just nod and carry on
Just like everyone I have ever known.

They say talking about it helps,
as if I don’t know!
They say it should be easy,
hitting a low blow!

Some pretend, some try,
but actually, it’s just a far cry.

I know I have built these walls around me, I know these walls are hard to penetrate. I am trying to protect myself, I am trying to do something good for me.

These walls calm me down

When I am tossing and turning at night,
When I am battling my demons,
When I am drowning in the black pool,
When I burn myself with cold sweat.

I hold these walls dear to me because they give me the assurance of limit. The assurance of not suffering more than what I am going through now. The assurance of not giving anyone else the authority to hurt me when I am already hurting so much.

This is all I know.
This is what I do.

The helplessness in your eyes haunts me every day,
Your concerned gazes when you think I am not looking,
Your “How is everything?” every day,
I notice everything.

But I don’t want to draw you into the same dark sea.
Because I know firsthand, how ugly it can get.

Because I care about.
Because I love you.

Thank you for reading.
-A

90 Happy-Positive Days Challenge

I read somewhere that if you want your brain to adapt to a pattern, all you have to do is keep repeating it till your brain accepts it as a habit. Today I want to share one such experience with you guys.

On 8th November 2016, I started a  90 happy-positive days challenge. The only condition for this challenge was to stay happy and positive for ninety consecutive days. After having plenty of negative days, I decided enough was enough! I strategically planned the challenge so that the 91st day was the day I turned 22.

his-challenge-was-really-interesting-and-fun-to-do-i-have-grown-up-a-lot-as-a-person-and-i-am-really-proud-of-myself-that-i-took-up-this-challenge-also-you-guys-have-been-extremely-supportive-and-he

The duration of my challenge was 8th November 2016 – 5th February 2017.
I turned 22 on 6th of February, this year.

Duration : 90 Days
Platform : Instagram

I chose Instagram as a platform because it is the only platform which I use everyday.

The rules were simple:
1) Read and write a positive or happy affirmation everyday.
2) Post a picture of what made you happy today.

Initially, it was very difficult because staying happy all the time is not easy. But as the time passed, I started believing in myself. I started looking for silver linings in every situation. By the time it was the New Year, I was happier than ever!

My entire journey was documented on Instagram and the support I got from everyone was super heart-warming.

This challenge was really interesting and fun to do. I have grown up a lot as a person and I am really proud of myself that I took up this challenge.Also, everyone was extremely supportive and helpful, asking me not to give up whenever I was struggling. Every positive affirmation changed my perspective a little more every day.

This challenge turned me into a better person and I urge you guys to give it a shot. I will post the list of affirmations, they really set the tempo.

P.S. If there are more such challenges which you have personally tried, please let me know. I want to do everything which helps me to grow.

 

The Annual Gratitude Journal

The last week of an ending year is meant for summing up the experience of the entire year. In my previous post, I talked about what all things this year has taught me. In a nutshell, 2016 was a crazy year with a lot of unexpected events. But every crazy situation has a silver lining. So, today I will talk about all the things that I am grateful for this year.

2016-gratitude-journal

I am grateful for the love I have received this year.

I am grateful for all the positive people I met this year.

I am thankful for letting go the toxic relationships.

I am thankful for starting to love my body the way it is.

I am grateful for learning the importance of being healthy.

I am happy that I started appreciating the beauty in all the things.

I am ecstatic that I started my 90 happy-positive days challenge, which I’ll be talking about after it gets completed.

I am grateful for the loving and beautiful parents I have.

I am thankful for a supportive and understanding sibling I have.

I am thankful for all the friends I have in my life.

I am grateful for all the soul-searching conversations I had with my bestfriends.

I am thankful for getting to know two of the most amazing souls on this planet.
Yvonne: The most understanding and wise.
Deepal: She is such a babe, she just gets me. To be honest, I had no idea how cool she was, till I actually talked to her.

I am grateful for still being in contact with my school friends.

I am amazed that more than 2700 people have checked my blog this year.

I am grateful for the 1400 wonderful souls who connected with me on Instagram.

I am grateful for the amazing trip I took with my cousins.

I am grateful for a good academic year.

I am thankful for not holding grudge till eternity *earlier, I used to*

I am grateful for my good health.

I am thankful for standing up for myself.

Thank you for reading.
XOXO

What are you grateful for?

One Year Blog Anniversary

Hello, everyone!!

Today is a very special day for Specscladeyes. Twelve months ago, I joined this wonderful platform to share my thoughts with everyone. That feeling when I pressed the publish button for the first time is beyond words. I still remember the rush of emotions when I got that first follower, it was an amazing feeling to know that somebody found my writeups relatable.

Today, when I got the congratulatory notification from WordPress, it brought back all the lovely memories of the twelve months that I have spent on this beautiful platform. Writing is a part of me and now specsclad.wordpress.com is an integral part of my life.

One year_specscladeyes

It is one of the most beautiful journeys, I have stepped on in my life and I am so grateful that it has helped me in turning who I am today.

Also, the journey is incomplete without the support, the community has shown me. It is unbelievable how loving and supportive everyone is. You can have a look at my beautiful WordPress family, here.

I can never thank you guys enough for supporting me in my WordPress journey so far and I am positive that you all will keep supporting me in future as well. Afterall, that is what family is for.

I will try to connect more with the amazing bloggers in the coming year. I am also thinking about setting up a blogging goal for the next year to make the most out of these 12 months.

My words cannot explain how your love has helped this blog to grow more than I could have ever imagined. Whenever I complained about something, whenever I just wanted to talk, whenever I made some big decisions in my life, whenever I was sad about something, you guys were always there for me.

So, once again Thank you for all your support!

I love you all so much.

Specscladeyes
xoxo

 

 

Merry Christmas To The Wonderful Family

This post is in accordance with IST which is +5:30 GMT so the Christmas greetings might be a bit delayed for a few of you.

Since Christmas is all about love and giving, I just want to say thank you to all of you wonderful humans, who supported me wholeheartedly in my journey. Blogging is monotonous without the connections you make, it is unimaginable to continue without the support from all the fellow bloggers.

So, thank you guys for always being there and helping me grow.

I have a beautiful bloggers family of 200 wonderful people and today I want to personally thank all of you if I haven’t done it yet.

Here is to all the gorgeous souls on this blogging world. The list is in the order of the oldest to the newest member of the family 🙂

I hate the fact that I cannot tag my email subscribers, you guys are really, very sweet.

To the new person reading my blog: Hie, welcome and Merry Christmas. Please check these beautiful people, too.

My greetings are delayed due to my faulty internet connection *trust me I hit the publish option a million times* but I love you all, with all my heart. Thank you for being who you are.

Cheers to the beautiful family!!

Love,
Specscladeyes

P.S. My first blog anniversary is in 2 days!! I am ecstatic!!

 

 

 

 

 

Dear, Best Friend

Dear, Best friend

I have made peace with the fact that you are never coming back. I have accepted that you are at a far away place and it is impossible, to contact, to share my feelings with you.

I am sorry that I was mad at you for a really long time and it is unacceptable to be mad at your best friend for FOUR long years. In my defense, you were not here to kick my butt and explain how friendship works. You did not tell me, it’s stupid to be mad at your best friend like you always used to do.

Yes, I visited your room back home without losing it. It was calming as ever and your photographs still look the coolest. I am learning to be better, from choking on your name and holding breath whenever your topic arised, I have started talking about you in a tone where I am not angry anymore. I tell people about you and as expected, they love you more than they love me.

I have stopped searching for you, no, I don’t look out for catching a glimpse of you. But that does not mean I have stopped loving you. Yes, I still miss you and I always will. Pardon me, I was miserable for so long. I was weighed down by so many emotions that I forgot about our “staying happy in every situation pact”.

A vacuum will always be there in my heart and I promise to cherish it forever. I often look above in your direction and think about the possible things you would be doing there. Do you still cook? Do you still make those silly faces? Do you still ride the bicycle like it’s a rocket? Do you still roll your eyes when I am about to do something stupid? I do not know answers to any of these questions. But, I do know one thing that you are at a happy place.

I know that I am not going to get any reply when I share my insecurities, my achievements, my joys and sorrows. But it makes me happy that I keep you updated even if I am mad at you. Plus, it is not difficult to spot you in the glorious sky, you shine and twinkle the most. Bubbly personalities tend to have these traits.

I know that I will sound cliché and you will laugh your ass off, but I have enough memories to last forever.

Stay happy always and continue being as amazing as you were here.These words were long due but well, better late than never.

I love you. Rest In Peace.

 

PS Cheers to the most awesome person ever. I have finally forgiven myself for being angry at her. Yes, I miss her a lot but that’s life, there will be depressing days. You just have to live with it.

 

 

The Mischievous

Date: 18th August 2016
Day: Thursday
Occasion: Rakshabandhan
Goal: celebrating the special bond between brothers and sisters with a different routine.

The mischievous, the fifth.

the mischeivous_specscladeyes

Let me give you a visual, mischievous smile, naughty eyes and peppy personality. Imagine how amazing the young man is going to be!?

The brother I am talking about is this mischievous kid whose mind can never rest, the few moments of peace does not exist in his brain. He will always be thinking about something or the other. And believe me, most of the things being processed in his brain will have fun elements in it.

He is a quick yet elaborate planner and good at who he is. His time management skills are quite impressive. He cannot sit idle, even for a second. He is wonderful at his studies and all the co-curricular activities too.

My brother is a well-mannered young man who has his own classy ways of doing things.

One look at him and you will think that he is the most serious person, but, look again and you will read the underlying mischiefs with a touch of strong value system.

My another tall baby brother is very adorable and behind all his naughty tricks, he is growing up into one fine young man.

He will play tricks and take funny digs but he will never hurt you intentionally or unintentionally. He is a good kid with a responsible brain.

Many hugs for my adorably mischievous brother.

Happy Rakshabandhan Vinny!
Love you.

The Lifeline

I am celebrating the Hindu festival of brothers and sisters with a fun twist. I am telling all my brothers the things I have never said, I am going to tell them what makes them special.

The sibling, the lifeline, the fourth.

lifeline_specscladeyes

This one is for my baby brother, he is the best person to ever exist in my life. It is amazing how he being younger can still understand most of the things which are quite difficult even for the grown ass adults to understand.

Yes, we have stupid sibling fights where the extremes can go up to ” do not talk to me, ever” . But the sweetest part is that we make-up pretty soon and boom there comes the team.
Yes, we have each other’s back, yes we still make sure that the other person gets their share of scoldings.  Yes, we laugh our asses off when the other one is being scolded.

He is the smartest kid you will ever come across in your life. It amazes me how easily he finds the solution to the issues that I will take forever to handle.

My tall, baby brother has a  streak of possessiveness in him and he takes care of me as if he is the elder one.  He is one car-crazy guy, be it any car, any model, any type, he will always have some information about it.

He is the caring one between us, I don’t understand how he manages to make sure everything is fine, every time.
He is the better sibling *now you can expect him dancing crazily along the room singing, “I knew it, you are my biggest fan, blah, blah, blah.” * and a better person.

Think of all the good adjectives to define a person and he is good at all that. Yes, he is a responsible human, he is the kind type, he is the charitable type, he is the sweet type, he is the cool type, he is the strong type, he is the cute type and he is the tolerant type. Wow! I just sent him to the cloud nine!

I am proud of the young man he is turning into. His mature ways of handling situations are really admirable and inspiring.

Even if I had a brother custom-made, he will only be at par with 1% of the amazing brother I have. He is that one person who always believes in me and makes sure that I never lose control over any situation. He makes me stronger and more positive, every day.

Hugs and kisses for the cutest brother in this entire world.

Happy Rakshabandhan Sanchit
Love you!

The Tallest In The Squad

Raksha Bandhan is finally here and I want to make this celebration of the beautiful bond between brothers and sisters extra special. I have never, in the history of ever, told my brothers that they are special to me.

So, without further delay, I am going to do it today!

The Tallest, the third.

 

the tallest_specscladeyes

He is one person, who stands out, literally.

I can safely call him “a man of few words”. He is a reserved person but when he is passionate about any topic, all you can do is listen to him in absolute awe.

Born just a few months apart, we have had our own share of childhood memories where we were ridiculously stupid yet awesome. Getting photographed was not our forte, we have many pictures of us looking weird which we thought were cool as a kid.

In our defense, pulling the same long face every time is a special talent.

You can find comfort in the silence, that is how he rolls. The company will be calming but never awkward.

Did I tell you that he is an astounding photographer! All his pictures have a unique character which reflects his style.

He is someone who will never ask you to step out of your comfort zone, he appreciates your way of doing things at your own pace.

Happy Rakshabandhan Divyansh!
Love you.

 

The Coolest Brother

Raksha Bandhan is a Hindu festival which celebrates the special bond between brothers and sisters. It involves tying an auspicious thread on your brother’s wrist and praying for him. He in return promises to be there for his sister in all sorts of circumstances.

Twenty-first Raksha Bandhan demands to be celebrated with a fresh approach. So, here I am with the twist.

I am going to write a post dedicated to each of my brothers, revealing why I love them so much and what makes them super special.

The Coolest, the second.

the coolest_specscladeyes

We all have a charismatic person in our lives and the brother I am talking about is the oxford dictionary meaning of this word.

He is the coolest person on this entire planet. He has an aura around him which makes him more special. He is the kind of person who deserves attention and I am the kind of sister who has to constantly ask her friends to stop chasing him and just back off!

The crazy book reader, puzzle solver and writer in me are initiated by him. He used to give me lots of books as a kid.

Thanks to him, I had a wonderful childhood surrounded by “The Famous Fives”, “The Secret Seven” , “The Blue Umbrella”, “Panchtantras” and many more amazing books. He got me addicted to the word puzzles and I am proud to say that I am still not over them.

He makes everything seem effortless. He will be doing the most strenuous work in such a style that it appears to be near perfection with least amount of efforts.

I still remember, in eighth grade, I faked sleeping just because I wanted to learn the tenth-grade mathematics which he was teaching. I know what I did was awkward and embarrassing but he made it sound so easy that I wanted to learn more.

A few years back, I had an unfortunate incident, nothing big but still big enough to scare the teen-me. But one statement changed me into a better person at dealing situations. He just asked me to concentrate on what I was doing, basically studying and he promised to handle the rest. Needless to say, I was surprised, but I was shocked when I handled the same situation  I was scared of, on my OWN. Yes, handle my own situations pretty well because I know that he has got my back.

I have never thanked him for this, stupid right?
So, here I am, thanking him for being there and helping me in becoming who I am today.

A big shout out and hug for the smartest person I know.

 

Happy Rakshabandhan Dimpy Bhaiya!
Love you.