The Absence Of Us

I stood by the window,
Letting the tickling rays of sun fall on my face.
Hoping for you to bring that cup of coffee,
The same one which you brought every day.

But here I stand, reminiscing.

A lone tear crawls down, caressing my cheek,
Just like the way you used to do it.
Again making me aware of your absence,
The absence of us.

Now the only thing which holds me at night is your shirt,
The same shirt, that you wore the day you told me you loved me, for the first time.
The same shirt which makes your eyes pop.
I hold it close to my chest, just like the way you used to hold me.

But your smell is fading,
Reminding me that you are not here.
All the physical shreds of evidence of you ever being here are gone.

But my heart is not READY.

I’ve read a million of articles on how to move on!
But, how to move on from someone who was supposed to be your ‘forever’?
How to move on from all the daydreams you had?
How to move on from someone you thought you were going to grow old with?
How to move on from someone who penetrated all the walls you had around you?
How to move on from someone you bared your soul to?
How to move on leaving behind a part of you?

Thank you for reading.
-A

Everyday Inspiration: Day 7
“Let Social Media Inspire You”

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To The One Who Broke My Heart

“Why”, you asked.

Every time I look into your eyes, I see her mocking me.
Your once soothing kisses stab me now.
Your touch burns me so much that every time you touch me, I run back to the bathroom to wash all the traces of her!
Your voice makes me aware of all the promises you never kept.
The way you lied through your teeth,
The way you didn’t blink your eyes, even when you were saying I love you to not just me.
The only voice I hear now is her screeching laughter, at the expense of my misery.

You asked for another chance,
For the sake of the love we shared.
But the truth is,
The love wasn’t enough!
All this time, I was blaming her,
I was blaming myself!
You are the one who deserves all the blame,
You broke my heart,
You broke us!
You did not love me the way I was supposed to be loved.
That’s why!

Sometimes, during midnight, I want to run to your door,
Banging it loud till you open it.
To show you the damage you have done.
But then I stop at my door,
Realising if you didn’t care then,
Why would you now!
That’s why!

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

Photo by : Charlie Foster on Unsplash

The Type Of Love I Believe In

I am done being easy
I am done looking for easy
What I need right now is something which drains me out
While I still feel like that is the best thing ever!

I don’t want to go the easy way
I want to go to a journey which demands total dedication,
A journey which takes up everything I could offer,
And yet make me feel more complete than ever!

I’m going to make an effort to look presentable.
I’m going to reply to your text, right away.
I’m going to pay attention to what you say.
I’m not going to pretend that I am not into you.
I’m not going to play hard to get.

I’m going to tell you,
How I want!
What I want!
Who I want!

I’m not going to beat around the bush.
I’m not going to play those games.
Not because I am desperate!
Because I know what I want,
Because I don’t want time to mess it up.
Because I know something this beautiful should be held as tightly as possible.
Because I don’t want to regret letting something precious go.

I’m done letting my head drive me.
This time I am going to surrender to the demands of my heart and let it take me to the places I’ve always been afraid to go to.
Because this time, my head knows it too.
Because I can feel it.
I just do!

 

Thank you for reading.
-A

To The One Who Will Love Me

Your job is not to make things easier for me,
You are not my genie who grants wishes!

Your job is not to meddle in my business,
That’s not what partners do!

I don’t want you to be my problem-solver,
I want you to stand by me.

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Let me make my mistakes,
Let me fall as many times as I want to.
Let me learn on my own,
Let me grow!

I just want you to hold my hands,
Listen to my struggles,
Encourage me.
But to never take charge of my situations.

Of course, I will need you.
I will need you to help me stay positive,
I will need you to help me stay focused,
I will need you to kiss me good luck.

Honey, just be there!
Be there when I seek the comfort of your arms.
Be there to kiss my pain away.
Be there to hold me when I am breaking.
Be there to whisper those soothing, sweet nothings into my ear.
Be there to take me away from this world when I need it the most.
Be there to make me laugh hard.
Be there to point out my mistakes.
Be there with nothing, but love.

Let’s face our share of demons.
Let’s struggle on our own, yet together.
Let’s build our characters.
Let’s spoil each other with love.
Let’s grow into soulmates.

Dilemma Of A Patient Heart

I said, “I love you.”
You just smiled.
I waited for you to say something, anything.
You never replied.

I can clearly hear your hesitant thoughts, that whooshing sound of multiple gears of your brain. I am not really sure what to do or say next, so I simply pull you into a hug. You lean into me like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

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Initially, I used to think you are not vocal about multiple things, but, that changed the moment you started talking about the things which mean a lot to you. Your passion was clearly visible in your twinkling eyes. Your animated hand gesture, the way your eyes squinted when you were recalling some important facts, that cute V which was formed between your brows when you were concentrating and the way you curl your lips up when something goes the way you imagined. It has always been easy to read what is going on with your mind, so why is it so difficult now.

I do not want to question what we have but sometimes it is difficult not to do it as you keep yourself so closed off. Sometimes, I feel that I am not good enough, I am not really sure that I am what you deserve.

I feel you tense up every time I confess that I am in love with you. I don’t know how to assure you that what we have is very special to me. I want you to know that I do not say ‘I love you’ for the sake of saying, I mean it in the truest form.

It’s difficult to stop the irrelevant thoughts from popping into my mind.
Like,
Did I kiss her too soon?
Did I rush that confession of my heart?
Will she ever speak her heart out?
Does she even feel what I feel?

But, in the battle of my mind and heart, my heart is always going to win when it is about you, period.

I will keep saying I love you to you. I know you have walls around you, I know they are there for a reason. I know there is a spark and this knowledge is more than enough for me, right now.

I am not going to give up on us, not now, not ever. Because your brain might mess up with your thoughts, your body always gives away the crucial information. I feel it in every kiss, your struggle, your confusion and your heart. I pay close attention to your small little sighs after we kiss. I love the way your body lights up to my touch. I love how you always look for me, your adorable blush and blissful expressions are my only assurances, for now. I look forward to them, every day.

I am going to wait for you to be there. What we have is very precious to be given away without a proper fight. I know you are fighting inside, I am going to stand by you and let you sort your thoughts. No questions asked, period.

Because, I love you more than anything in the world.

Read her side of story here.

The Pleas Of A Guarded Heart

You told me you love me, a million times.
I kept searching for reasons to not believe you, I could not find one.

Do I love you?
I am not sure.
Do you love me?
I don’t want to admit that I am sure!

The Guarded Heart

I’m paranoid, I’m uncertain but I care a lot about you. Then why am I holding back? Why am I fighting it? Why am I making it so difficult!?

Yes, I have walls around me.
Yes, I am guarding myself.
Yes, I have a tendency to doubt everything.

It’s the only way I can ensure my sanity, keep my nerves from falling all over the place. I am just looking out for myself, can you blame me?

Sometimes it’s not just about how much love you have for me, sometimes it’s about the repetitive reassurances. I fancy you, a lot but I am afraid. I am afraid of falling into the same pattern, all over again. I’m afraid of losing a piece of my soul. I just need my time to be sure.

I just want to be sure of whether what we have is worth risking my heart. I am waiting for my gut to ask me to drop all the walls. I promise I respect your emotions. No, I’m not toying with you, it has always been genuine. I read your sincerity in your kisses, I feel your love in your touches. But I am a victim of always wearing my heart on my sleeves. I’m trying. I promise, I am.

I want to tell you everything, but not right now. My insecurities get the best of me.
So, honey, just be patient with me. Keep loving me the way you do, keep kissing me like you mean it, continue being my shelter!

Read his side of story here.

The Betrayal Story: Was I Not Good Enough?

On our date night, she was with us.
On our weekend getaway, she was with us.
On our long distance calls, she was with us on a call waiting.
On our star gazing night, she was with us.
During every touch, every kiss, every word you spoke to me, she was with us.

Sometimes related to work,
Sometimes as an investor,
Sometimes an old school friend,
Sometimes a wrong number,
Sometimes you ran out of lies and asked me not to stress about it.

You wanted me to believe in all your lies,
And the worst part is, I DID. For a very long time.

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Now, sitting on the edge of a bed which used to be ours, my mind cannot help and go back to the painful memory where you had your arms around her waist and she leaned into you. The moment when my world crashed into billion pieces. I was there when you kissed her, I was there when you whispered something into her ear and she giggled, I was there when you had a look of pure adoration on your face which she mirrored. Yet, you turned around and told me it was not what it looks like!!

The bedroom which used to be my safe haven is suffocating me right now. You are asking me to say something, the voice which used to soothe me in my darkest days is now slicing my battered heart. I have a million thoughts running through my mind.

I want to ask;
Was I not good enough?
What we had was not enough?
Did you ever feel something remotely close to what I felt?
Did you ever love me?

I want to ask;
Does she love you like I loved you?
Does she listen to your rants about how pathetic the cafeteria food is, for hours?
Does she let you have the last bite of her food?
Does she believe you when you say I love you to her?

I want to ask a lot more!
But all I could manage is, “You need to leave right now. We are done.”

You accuse me of being stupid for overreacting.

Yes, I was stupid for not reading the signs.
Yes, I was stupid for thinking that I am not good enough.
Yes, I was stupid for trusting you over my conscious.
Yes, I was stupid for loving and believing in you.

I was scared of my biggest fear turning into reality, I was scared of losing the beautiful bond we had. Now my conscious is scowling at me, shouting, “I told you so.”

I am giving you, what you gave to me: A Betrayal. I am betraying you to be with my conscious, my sane mind, my most beautiful bond.

Phewwww!!! Too heavy for my liking but I just had to get it off my chest. I wanted to talk about it to somebody and you guys do a wonderful job, seriously. I had my heart in mouth, all the time. Might have stifled a sob or two. I did not want to start the new year on this note but some things cannot really wait.Also, this is my point of view and it is not meant to offend anyone. All relationships are different if you think you can work things out, it’s completely fine!! Totally your call.

Thank you for reading.

I promise to post something positive soon!

 

 

Sincere words 

​I still remember the sincerity in your eyes when you told me how it was exactly meant to be. The bitter truth which shattered my happy picture into infinite pieces, your sincere harsh words which drowned me down, all that was very brave of you. 

You knew how much I loved the truth and even when you knew you would be hurting me, stabbing my heart a million times, you gave me the one thing I loved the most. You gave me the truth even when you could have very easily avoided it. 

That day is imprinted on my mind like it just happened yesterday . 

Entwined hands, distant hearts. 
Waiting for the other one to make the first move. 
We walked in perfect symphony, 
Quick steps, 
Mind miles away, 
Covering huge distance as quickly as possible. 
No it was not the end of the world. 
It was a  beginning, 
To two different journeys. 
No bitter emotions, 
Just a sense of realization. 

Now that we don’t talk anymore, I still respect you with all my heart. No, I don’t hate you, why would I? You kept our promise of being truthful forever. Now it’s my turn to return the favour, we don’t cross paths because we promised we will NOT. EVER.  

Let’s honour thatpromise forever without any hint of hatred. Let’s continue with our lives with only one emotion: respect for each other. 

There was nothing wrong with us. We were perfectly fine, but not together. I am glad we realized it before it was too late. 

P. S. Sorry for not posting soon

The First Rose

Doctors informed her that he could not make it.

There, amidst all the chaos, her life stopped.She could not breathe, she could not react out loud, she lost control over her body.

Her heart dropped into a bottomless pit and the only reaction coming out from her body were the non-stop streams of tears.

That one statement shattered her heart into million little pieces, she lost her strength, her hope, her soulmate. She lost her first and only love.

Looking at his unsettlingly calm face, she let out a soft cry. She could not imagine her life without him. She did not want to leave him, not now, not EVER.

Her mother whispered, “It’s time.”

She ran back at the lightning speed to their home.

A home where they share laughters,
A home where they danced with the stars,
A home where he promised to be with her forever,
A home where they imagined their future,
A home which was blooming with their love.

She was welcomed by a painful silence. In a hurry she ran to their bedroom, wiping tears, controlling sobs, she made way to their closet. She started searching, kept throwing away things until, at the bottom corner she found that box.

Love box, she called it. As she opened the box, she welcomed millions of sweet memories, carefully preserved to be cherished.

She found that necklace he gave when they started dating,
She found the letter he wrote for her, telling how much he loved her,
She found the book he gave to her,
She found that blue polka dot scarf which blindfolded her on the day her proposed,
In the bottom,
She found that first rose he gave to her when he confessed his love.

The first rose which was filled with promises. Promises of love, promises of togetherness, promises of future and most of all promises to never leave. She smiled faintly at the memory of how cute he looked that day, she still remembered his toothy grin when she accepted the rose, she remembers everything, vividly.

She took that rose with her and placed it on his heart in the coffin. She smiled between tears and whispered, ” Wait for me in the heaven. And this time, try and look confident while asking me to be yours.”

She bid goodbye to him and between the flames, to his burning pyre, she promised, “ Until we meet again, honey.

No it was not the end, it was just the beginning of a new chapter.

Opening Line

I Promise

I promise to give all my attention to you, just like the sunflower pays to the sun.
I am just waiting for you to be like the sun.

I promise to look at you just like the kid looks at the candy.
I am just waiting for you to be that sweet.

I promise to stand up for you, just like the tree in the storm.
I am just waiting for you to be independent.

I promise to paint our story, just like the artist’s masterpiece.
I am just waiting for you to be my inspiration.

I promise to make our song superhit, just like the singer’s dream.
I am just waiting for you to strike the perfect chords.

I promise to smile at you, just like the photographs.
I am waiting for you to be that attentive.

I promise to think about you all day, just like a poet’s thoughts.
I am just waiting for you to be that sensitive.

I promise to wait for the happy ending, just like it happens in the fairy tales.
I am just waiting for you to be my hero.

I promise to be with you at the end of the day, just like the birds during the sunset.
I am just waiting for you to be my home.

I promise to wait for you, just like always.
I am just waiting for you to be worth my wait.

Companion

PS Hero can be anyone, it is not gender specific!